Cut out Christmas

It's that time of year again when I'm supposed to write and send Christmas Cards but this year, having become obsessed with the planetary consequences of the The Festive Season, the whole card business seems more pointless than ever. I mean besides investing energy sitting scribbling, signing and sticking, how can I justify all that card, ink, envelopes and stamps, not to mention the thousands of card-miles? And for what? To say hi, decorate a mantlepiece and end up in a recycling box. Not worth it.

But there's no denying the social pressure to conform. And with dozens of beautiful cards arriving each morning and the Carboncopies bringing home fistfuls from their friends, I have to admit the pressure got me. So I made a concession and let the kids send some cards. I mean it's one thing to risk being a social outcast yourself but another to see your kids in the playground with nothing to hand out to expectant friends.

So the Carboncopies got busy - making their own cards. Recycled of course; from newspaper, magazines, birthday cards and paper then stuffed into old envelopes. The productivity of my little eco-troopers was a sight to behold. And while Carbonbaby chewed on sellotape helping elder Carboncopy create complex 3D cut-out cards, little Carboncopy found the quickest method of production; taking one of last year's Christmas cards, ripping off the bit with the picture, scribbling a message on the back and sticking it in a carrier bag for delivery. In the space of half an hour, he'd made 17 eco-cards and saved 17 envelopes.

In the playground the next morning, parents and children dashed around delivering Charity Cards while little Carboncopy handed out his cut-up greetings, looking like a charity case.
Parents looked with bemusement at the scribbly scraps of card he was handing out to their off-spring.
"What's that?" one of them asked him.
"A Christmas card," he replied proudly.
The receiving child passed it to mum for inspection.
"How sweet," said the mum, looking distinctly unimpressed.

I think it's unlikely that card will make her mantelpiece. We can only hope it makes the recycling bin. Perhaps it's not just the thought that counts.

Happy recycled birthday?

“Happy Birthday Mummy,” the Carboncopies cried, racing into my bedroom. They clutched presents wrapped in newspaper, and bounced on my bed as I ripped open the first of their gifts. “Careful, we may want to use that wrapping again,” said the oldest Carboncopy.
“Fair trade chocolate…just what a girl needs. Thank you,” I said, hugging them. They thrust the next gift into my hands and the paper came away without much of a struggle. I pulled two luminous green knobbled rubber balls out of the packaging. “Are they from Anne Summers?” I asked Carbonlite.
“Amazing Dryer Balls,” announced the oldest Carboncopy, reading from the recyclable box. “Save twenty five per cent on dryer running costs and soften fabrics without any toxic chemicals.” The youngest Carboncopy was fed up with all the waiting around and ripped open the last present himself.
“Ecozone Eco Balls,” said his older brother with respect in his voice, lifting out three green spheres in the shape of Jupiter. “Wow. It’s going to be a special birthday, Dad said so. We’re going to follow all of the ‘R’s.”
“Reduce, Reuse, Recycle,” the carboncopies chanted, throwing themselves off the bed like pyjama clad lemmings.
“Happy Birthday, Eco Worrier. I’ll take you out for lunch,” said Carbonlite, helping himself to a slab of Fair Trade Chocolate.

“Where would you like to go?” he asked, as I loaded the washing machine. The Carbonbaby clutched at the glass door, attracted by the brightly coloured Eco Balls. I suggested a couple of fancy restaurants I’d heard about in the Lakes. “Ah, right. I rather hoped we could cycle,” said Carbonlite. “I know a lovely new tea shop which means we can ‘Reduce’ our petrol consumption for today.
“Reduce the bill you mean,” I replied.

The children came in from school with little paper bags. “We’re having a party,” they said. “Don’t come into the kitchen.” They reappeared some time later with sausages from the butcher cut into small pieces and decorated with organic tomatoes, tiny pizza’s made from crumpets with pepperoni toppings, bowls of fruit, raw veg and crisps. They then produced little party bags made out of paper bags they’d begged from the Post Office, decorated with stickers and felt tips, and filled them with some of their favourite miniature toys. And then the room fell silent.
“Happy Birthday to you,” they all sang, as Carbonlite came to the table holding the remains of a chocolate caterpillar cake from my son’s birthday the day before. It was decorated with thirty nine candles. “‘Reused’ cake and candles,” said Carbonlite proudly.
“Blow out the caterpillars bottom and make a wish Mummy,” said the youngest of the Carboncopies.

In the evening we watched a ‘Recycled’ movie from the video shop. We ate chocolates and wine that would never last long enough to be recycled, although I did catch Carbonlite saving his foil wrappers down the side of the sofa. Half way through the movie, I felt cold.
“Have you turned the heating off? On my birthday?” I accused my eco- husband. We snuggled under a quilt quickly produced in compensation.
“My recycled birthday was great. I think we should try to have a sustainable Christmas as well,” I suggested.
“I’ve been thinking about that,” Carbonlite replied. “This Christmas perhaps we should concentrate on the fourth ‘R.’
“What’s that?” I asked.
“ ‘Refuse,’” he answered with a grin. “Refuse all the pointless trappings of Christmas. Say no to presents and definitely no to sprouts.”

Before bed I checked my e-mails. In the semi darkness of my study an e-mail pinged in from The States. “Hello, my name is Rachelle.” it said. “I'm a casting producer with ABC TV's Wife Swap. I'm contacting families who are living ‘lightly’ and came across you. We always look for families with very strong family philosophies, and hope you might consider being on our show.” I sat back and imagined a week with an American family in their air conditioned home, driving a gas guzzling SUV to the mall to stuff myself with pizza, returning for cocktails and Barbeque by the heated swimming pool. Then I thought about my quirky sustainable birthday, compliments of my own little carbon crew. My mouse hovered over the screen as I contemplated the final R; my ‘Reply.’ It didn’t take me long to ‘Refuse.’

scary stuff

"Of course we're going to the halloween party. The kids have got new costumes," said a mother in the playground, hugging her darling as I covered my own childrens ears and hoped they hadn't heard. In our house Halloween costumes this year were same as last year and the year before; a witches cape and a bit of improvisation.

We painted out fingernails black with felt tip, pinned rubber skeletons to our back and put on our capes. The carbonbaby was beginning the annual tradition of fighting off her headband adorned with pumpkins on spirals. Each successive carbonbaby had been made to wear it, and all had managed to throw it out of the pushchair before leaving the house.

We approached the party along with an elaborate range of ghouls, Adams family lookalikes and witches. The first thing I noticed on entry was how many babies sat head to toe in their parents arms in full fancy dress. They wore elaborate costumes; mainly black cats and pumpkins. I'd seen the pumpkin outfit reduced to three quid in Asda and wondered how many child slaves in developing countries had given up their childhoods to make it for that amount. It was a big fleecy orange puffball, with hat and accessories, made to kit out a very small child.
"What will they do with all these pumpkins next year when their babies are grown," I wondered out loud. But I already knew the answer. They'd pop out to Asda for a new costume for their little darling. And the pumpkin would join last year's Christmas Party dress as something that was worn once, for a couple of hours at a village party.
We got on with 'pinning the nose on the witch' and doing the 'unlucky dip,' and the kids won a range of treats including sweets backed in plastic and cardboard, plastic spiders had travelled all the way from China to be with us, and scary pencils with little plastic climbing ghosts. At no point did they win an organic pumpkin or toffee apple, or in fact anything that didn't involve plastic.

I went home slightly depressed. Because it's just another of those events that used to involve a bit of bobbing for an apple, that has now turned into a plastic fantastic carbon using nightmare. And while I felt like a scrooge as the whole point of the party was to raise money for the local playgroup, I couldn't help reflect on how many bad practices it was reinforcing to the kids involved.

And the really depressing thing is that what's happening in our village is also happening all over. Today I read in the paper that the whole of Britain is following the Americans in going Halloween mad. Five years ago we spent a total of £12 million on wigs, capes and broomsticks (not forgetting the little pumpkin costumes.) This year the figure is expected to reach £120 million. And that's just in this country. The figures from the States are even scarier. The report that sent shivers down my neck was the one that said in America, three and a half million people buy a halloween costume each year....for their PET.

Happy halloween!

Feeling the heat

“Package for you,” said the delivery man, thrusting his electronic notepad into my hands. “Nice day,” he added, as I scrawled my name onto the screen, and accepted a brown package.
“Is it?” I asked, feeling like Eeyore without a tail. From where I was standing, this day was anything but nice. Without even breaking the seal of the cardboard I knew the contents would be disastrous for me and the kids. At the start of half term, the last thing we wanted was another 'expert' book on climate change, spelling out how quickly the planet was combusting and how we were responsible. This innocent little package of words would cast a cancerous shadow over the whole holiday week, by plunging Carbonlite into one of his global depressions. As far as I was concerned we'd only just recovered from James Lovelock's assault on our consciences and household working practices.

The first signs of panic followed the same day, as switches around the house, as if by magic, turned to 'off,'and when I went to take the Carboncopies' tea out of the oven, it was still frozen. Next the Carbonbaby was plunged into a bath only an inch deep, and then followed a whole evening fretting about why the water butt isn't connected to the toilet to flush away the water, rather than taking water from the system. Well what's the point in fretting about that? "You're an engineer aren't you?" I told Carbonlite, "either invent a new system or just enjoy the fact you have water at all. Some people don't, you know."

By the next day, Carbonlite's grey mood had turned into a black smog, enveloping us all and strangling any surviving holiday feelings. A morning of criticisms and interference was followed by a public enquiry into why I'd ruined the bedroom quilt cover. I explained my reasons for dyeing the pale blue cover to match a burgundy room, saving the planet from the manufacture of yet another burgundy quilt cover, but my protestations held no sway. It developed into a full on row in front of the oldest Carboncopy, at the end of which I threw my magazine into his face and stormed out of the house in tears, straight into my neighbour. "I can't cope with it any more. This whole planet can bloody well burn to a frazzle and take him with it." I told the elderly gentleman, whose gentle smile turned to a look of terror.

Over dinner, I gave Carbonlite an ultimatum. "Deal with what you're reading or don't read it at all. Find a way of coping with it. The only way you're using this information is as a weapon against me,and I won't stick around to be gunned down by all your dogma." He attempted to protest, informing me I was in denial, just like most of the planet. "The main emission in this house isn't CO2, it's your anger," I told him. He stormed off, book in hand, feeling the heat of my anger.

Butt out...

The enormous green bucket had been sitting in the yard for a month. The problem was it didn't have a hole in it and I didn't have the right drill bit to make one. And without a hole there was no way to connect it up.

"Why is the water butt empty?" asked one of the Carboncopies nearly filling it himself as he clambered up to inspect it. "Is it because we haven’t had any rain?"
"No, it's because your Dad is full of big ideas and no follow-through," quipped the Washingqueen, dutifully hanging Carbonbaby's eco nappies out to dry.
I let it go, not wanting to risk a retreat to disposables or the tumble dryer. Truth is it has taken four months to get the butt installed, but three of those were waiting for it to arrive due to a surge in demand as a result of drought in the South East. However, I am responsible for the fourth month; two weeks to negotiate over placement and agree how to prevent toddlers drowning in it, a week to buy a drill bit and a further week to get the pipes and joints needed to plumb it into the guttering. Well the details do take time.

But now it's done. And just in time for the rain. And now it's overflowing and the Carbonbaby is soggy as a soggy thing crawling happily around in the puddle between the water butt and the compost bin.
"Why is the water butt overflowing?" asked the Washingqueen, interrupting Carbonbaby's wet play.
"Because the installation is just so efficient," I replied.
And it really has astounded me. OK so I didn't get the details quite right and the overflow doesn't flow back into the gutter but we did gather over 200 litres of rainwater in a couple of hours and that's just the run off from our back roof. It's one thing to read about rainwater harvesting but when you see how much you can collect and watch your kids splashing and crawling around in it, it really makes you wonder why systems like this aren't designed into houses.

So now we have to figure out what to do with it. With just a small yard there's not much garden to water, so I figure there must be ways to use it for flushing toilets, baths, washing clothes or something useful around the house. But I'll have to resolve the overflow issue before I discuss further developments with the Washingqueen. I don't think she'll mind waiting.

Beating the carbon clock

A dark October morning. I switched on the kettle and began to prepare Carbonbaby’s Weetabix. ‘Beep, beep, beep,’ an alarm went off. A new digital clock on the worksurface read ‘1.87.’ “That can’t be right, unless Carbonlite’s reinvented time to make the planet last longer,” I told Carbonbaby as I slammed her milk into the microwave. The digital alarm went off again. I took the milk back out and inspected the clock. The red digital numbers said ‘1.87 kilowatts.’ I pressed a button and the figures changed to ‘1.872 kg an hour of greenhouse gas.’ I realised this was no clock but a device to monitor the destruction our household was inflicting on the climate. It then informed me I was paying 30 cents an hour for the privilege of warming up the globe.

“Do you two know about this?” I asked the Carboncopies as they ran into the kitchen for breakfast. Of course they did; Carbonlite had them all trained up. Within minutes they were racing around the house, turning everything off and watching the digital numbers rewind. I packed them off to school, then put on the washing machine and dryer, and as an afterthought re-boiled the kettle to see what that did to the scores on the doors. My reprimand from the carbon monitor was swift and shrill; and its’ greenhouse gas figure shot up to 2.200 kg/hr. I had no idea what that meant but feared it was massive. The price had increased too, to 38 cents an hour. I scooped up Carbonbaby, turned off the washing machine and grabbed some plastic bags. I’d have to go out for the day, staying in was way too expensive.

A trip to the supermarket would fill the morning. I’d been putting it off ever since we food audited the house, relying on the organic vegetable box deliveries, and picking up bits and pieces locally. But we were right out of Ecover and the cupboards were bare after the weekend guests had departed. However as soon as I walked through the supermarket doors I realised it was going to be an eco stress-fest, each aisle throwing up a new ethical dilemma as I tried to stick to the strict rules I’d agreed with Carbonlite. The fruit and vegetable section was the first hurdle and I took it at a dash, Carbonbaby trying to grab the brightly coloured fruit flown directly from Barbados. First I ruled out the organic fruit and veg department because of supermarket requirements to package the life out of it. Tomatoes were selected then put back after I noticed the air miles they’d clocked up, as were avocados. The South African sugar snap peas stayed on the shelf along with the long thin beans (from Peru), the 2 for 1 chantenay carrots (double packaging) and the ready to use salad (in a plastic bag, un-local and washed in twenty varieties of pesticide.) I gave Carbonbaby a banana, telling myself unless global warming ramped up significantly there was no way we were going to start growing these locally. I rejected fresh fish, (backed with plastic packaging) the entire convenience and frozen food sections (processed fast food in a box, with a plastic tray and lid, cooked twice over using double energy) and my favourite coffee (to avoid doing battle with the kettle and Carbonlite’s new clock) Organic biscuits and cereal were ruled out because of their unorganic packaging, and as I stalled in the bread section, I noted with alarm that the entire contents of my trolley was a banana skin covered in dribble, and a bottle of Anthony Worrall Thompson’s refillable Fresh and Green bathroom cleaner, ‘derived from natural plant extracts’ with a contribution of the proceeds going to the World Wildlife Fund. Carbonlite would be proud of the amount of boxes that product ticked, but as I approached the checkout after two hours in the supermarket, I had no lunch or dinner in the trolley. I cursed my husband’s rigid eco- rules, before dashing back and grabbing a bag of apples. What could be wrong with apples?

The cashier ripped plastic bags from the stand and handed them to me. “No thanks, I’ve brought my own,” I told her. Unfortunately I’d selected two black bin bags from the cupboard, previously used for the transportation of plastics to the tip. They smelt of sour milk and we both winced. I didn’t bother asking for green points.

At home, Carbonlite was reading about how farmers could change their cows’ diet to produce less toxic emissions. “I bought some lovely apples if you’re hungry,” I told him, “and if we have a raw food lunch it’ll cut down on emissions.” “But those apples are from South Africa,” said Carbonlite pointing at the bag. “Have you any idea how many air miles they’ve travelled, at a time of year when British apples are hanging from every tree?” I put the kettle on in exasperation. ‘Beep beep beep,’ went the carbon monitor, to remind me once more of my greenhouse gas profligacy. I stormed off to check my e-mails and found a leaflet on my desk for a kettle that only boils one cup of water at a time. The literature informed me ‘It’s estimated we boil twice the volume of water needed every time we put the kettle on. Which means twice as much energy, twice as much time, and with a 3kW kettle that’s the same as wasting the energy of around 50 light bulbs.’

I put the leaflet back where I found it. Carbonlite had obviously been internet shopping, and my birthday was just around the corner. Well at least I’d be able to consume birthday tea and cake without the carbon clock beginning its bleeping countdown to doom.

Emitting doing nothing

I woke up in the middle of the night, sweating profusely, desperately thirsty and feeling black. I'd been reading George Monbiot's new book, Heat, and in my dreams the planet and I were already burning. Feeling anxious and wide awake I went downstairs to get a drink and came face to face with the Electrisave meter. I introduced the washingqueen to it recently and left it by the sink to remind her how many kilogrammes of CO2 she was emitting each time she boiled the kettle. Not that it made any difference. The meter blinked at me in the moonlight; 0.22kg per hour. That's 1.76kg of CO2 during a night's sleep, well over half a tonne a year. And for what? I looked around to try and figure out what was responsible. The only obvious thing was a 15W CFL bulb on the landing but that could only account for a small fraction of the emissions.

It took half an hour to identify the culprits: a battery charger; a child's night light; a radio, two computers, monitors and speakers on standby; the microwave and oven clocks; two phone handsets; the fridge and freezer; the washing machine at the end of its cycle; the burglar alarm and central heating controller. All sitting doing nothing really, slowly and silently killing us, generate unecessary emissions in the dead of the night.

Apparently it's something of a British habit to waste energy like this; the UK tops the European Energy Waster's League with people in the North West some of the worst offenders. According to recent research by the Energy Saving Trust, Northerners overfill their kettles twice as often as the national average and have more bad energy wasting habits than almost anywhere else in Britain. In the UK 86% of us feel guilty about this kind of energy wastage but 42% are too lazy to change their habits. How depressing. But I guess it helps justify the washingqueen's kettle boiling antics as normal, at least for around here.

But while she may want to carry on being 'normal', I want to see us change our bad habits. Trouble is while I can do my bit, it's not so easy to change other people's habits and I'm getting tired of the endless domestics that begin with me switching something off only to find it switched back on again a little while later. And as the first cool nights of autumn finally arrive and I get my extra jumpers ready, I know the central heating wars are coming; a month of arguments about whether or not it's cold enough to put the heating on, weeks of surreptitious programming, counterprogramming and overriding on the heating controls and then a big argument about the winter gas bill. I'm so not looking forward to winter.

I finished my drink, turned off the chargers, nightlight and computers and watched Electrisave blink a new reduced estimate of our emissions at me, 0.15kg. I guess every little helps. On my way back to bed I noticed the radiators were warm, my thirst perhaps the result of an overheated bedroom rather than my nightmare about an overheated planet. Sometimes, the future feels as black as carbon.

Political activist

I found an entry in my diary in Carbonlite’s handwriting. ‘Fri 4pm. Meet Tim Farron, Sedbergh.’ I tracked down Carbonlite to the utilities room, labelling the new recycling crates he had begged from the County Council. The room was starting to look like Booths Car Park; at any moment I suspected the Salvation Army to turn up with a skip for clothes.
“Who’s Tim Farron?” I asked.
“Your MP,” he answered, putting the top back on his felt tip.
“I knew the name was familiar. I seem to be spending Friday afternoon with him. Any idea what that’s about?”
Carbonlite put down his pen, grabbed my shoulders and grinned, “Saving the planet of course.”

“I’m not doing it.” The idea of me lobbying an MP about anything was ridiculous. “I can’t. I don’t know anything about the climate. Anyway I’m already doing my bit. I’m recycling everything, look at all these crates for heavens sake.” Carbonlite logged on to a Friends of the Earth website and showed me the screen.
“You don’t need to know anything. It’s all in there,” he said. I sat down, defeated, to read about the biggest campaign Friends of the Earth have ever run. As part of The Big Ask, Friends of the Earth are requesting constituents to visit their MP in person to lobby for a Climate Change Bill. This would commit the government to making year on year cuts in carbon dioxide emissions. According to the website instructions, I was to ask Tim Farron to write a letter to Tony Blair and David Miliband, asking for the bill to be included in the Queens speech for the next parliament-“We need to take this message to where MP’s hear it the loudest- in their own constituencies,” it said. The campaign included full instructions on how to contact an MP, briefing notes, and a pep talk for the nervous, “Don’t be intimidated by your MP, they meet with constituents all the time and they’re keen to meet with you. After all, they want to make sure you’ll vote for them at the next election, so they will be nice to you.”
“Ok, I’ll go,” I told Carbonlite, switching off the computer. “But you’re coming too.”

Tim Farron stood in the doorway of his advice surgery, smiled, and gestured for me to come in. I was the last in a long queue.
“I’ll just bring the rest of the gang,” I told him, scooping up a biscuit covered Carbonbaby off the floor, and calling Carbonlite and the Carboncopies to action. We crowded into the office where our MP apologised that he was running late and could only give us a few minutes as he had an evening engagement with the WI he daren’t be late for. He asked what he could do for us.
“Oh just the small issue of climate change.” I replied, as the eldest Carboncopy took his brother’s neck in a head lock. I embarked on my speech, forgetting the name of the Environment Secretary, and fumbling the name of the bill I was asking to be included in the next parliament. Tim Farron sat opposite, listening intently, and stopped me as I got to the bit about the Queen.
“Actually, I think I’m ahead of you there. I’ve already written the letter,” he said. I stopped mid sentence. What was I supposed to do now? The on-line briefing had taught me how to tackle being fobbed off, how to put my case simply and how to launch in. It hadn’t mentioned how to retreat from his office gracefully. But thankfully he’d done this kind of thing before. He promised to send us a copy of the letter, agreed with the importance of acting now to curb growing emissions, and said he was optimistic the bill would be included in the next parliament. He thanked us for coming to see him personally and putting our case. At this moment the Carbonbaby made some unpleasant emissions of her own, and let out a wail as she smelt the result. It was time to leave.

I emerged into the afternoon sunlight feeling rather pleased with myself. I was now a lobbyist, an environmental activist, the kind of mother who sits in trees to save the countryside instead of sitting in a coffee shop to save on washing up. And if the Queen’s Speech includes a Climate Change Bill I’ll have achieved something bigger than my family; beyond my experience, beyond my own back gate. For a moment I thought of all the new appointments that Carbonlite might add to my diary. What if he tried to send me on climate camp, or to power station protests? What if he made me sit in trees on a regular basis? The CarbonBaby let out another cry. Her nappy was now the most pressing environmental hazard on my radar. Saving the Planet would have to wait.

From a field in Sweden

Holiday-time but no air miles for us. Our green, lean, household policy means eco-friendly travel and holiday activities. Carbonlite went on a mission to find a suitable destination, poring over maps and becoming over-familiar with tourist information in a range of countries. He emerged triumphant from the bedroom he had turned into Holiday HQ, and thrust a map of Scandinavia in my direction. "Sweden", he announced, already there in his head. "What's in Sweden?" I asked, the only Swedish delights I could think of were ABBA and Sven. "Meatballs, saunas and blondes!" he said, folding the map, "and if we go by ferry - very low emissions."

We took the car as far as Newcastle with the bikes piled high on the roof - even these emissions Carbonlite found hard to offset in his conscience. But at least we weren't flying. Carbonlite tells me if carbon were rationed it's predicted a flight to New Zealand would emit as much carbon as our household for an entire year. Instead we would go by ferry, by bike and by canoe up the west coast of Sweden: a month of low-emission living.

But not exactly low-cost. Carbonlite choked on his beer when he found out how much it had cost on the ferry crossing. And as the Swedes and Norwegians settled in the restaurant, the English huddled in the bar while a giant furry parrot crooned "We are sailing" to the assembled crowd. We wondered if we'd be dining on crisps for breakfast when the eldest Carboncopy won the bingo during a break in the singing. We retired to our cramped cabin in steerage, looking forward to our smorgasbord the next morning.

As we cycled off the ferry, stuffed full of pickled herring and salami, we felt like we'd pedalled into a greener world. Family cycling wasn't a freakshow here, everyone was out and about on bikes. We crossed the city of Gothenburg without having to cross a road, on an intricate network of cycle paths. But we hadn't gone unnoticed: outside tourist information we were collared by the Press, doing a feature on tourism in the city. As Carbonlite bored them in pidgin Swedish about eco-travel, the photographer snapped away at us all on our bikes.

We made our way down the coast, pottering in and out of sandy bays, while local kids plunged from wooden jetties into the sea. On publication of the tourism feature we were greeted with enthusiasm by the Swedes, beers in hand that we couldn't afford, admiring the double-page spread of us on our "human-powered transport" as we travelled past.

In this country there was a definite pecking order: at the bottom of the pile was us Brits, with our low-value pound and bicycles. Then the Swedes, in their campervans with awnings the size of our house, and their smart Volvos. Then at the top, the Norwegians, cruising through in their yachts, rich on the profits of oil. While we were definitely the greenest, a touch of it may have been jealousy!

But we'd soon join the Norwegians on the Swedish lakes in our two big family-sized canoes. "Put the baby at the front", we were advised, "then if she goes overboard the person at the back can hook her out as they go past." Thankfully this was unnecessary, and much to my dismay I began to get hooked on this human-powered transport. It was peaceful and got air into my lungs and power into my muscles. I worried that the idyllic lifestyle there would have a negative impact on my life in the UK. If cycling and canoeing could get us around so cheaply, efficiently and environmentally soundly, would I feel obliged or pressured into ditching the car? (Carbonlite had already spent too much time hanging around chip shops discussing the benefits of alternative fuel.) I tried to sabotage the experience by getting a puncture or hoping for rain, but it was not to be. The roads, and the skies, were as clear as the beaches.

As we stopped for a lazy ice-cream and a swim one hot Saturday afternoon, a stream of people trooped out to ask where we were from. While now used to all the attention, even Carbonlite was surprised by the volume of enquiries. It was when several members of a wedding party came to ask about our nationality that we found out the source of their curiosity. On the back page of the weekend newspaper was a prize crossword, with a picture of us splashed across the centre. "What nationality are these cyclists who appeared in last week's edition?" one of the wedding party translated. "We thought you must be English", said the groom, "the Swedish prefer to drive around Sweden." He took his bride's hand, jumped into the silver wedding Volvo and sped off to a smorgasbord reception, leaving us to pedal on with zero emissions and a green, clean conscience.

How embarrassing?

I got caught out yesterday. I was out for a cycle with carbonbaby and running late to get back to pick the carboncopies up from school. What to do? No time to go home first so I decided to stop off and pick them up on my bike. So what?

Well, it's not exactly an ordinary bike. It's a tandem (you know a bike for two), with kiddy cranks on the back (so a kid can ride stoker and reach the pedals), and a child seat behind and a trailer tagging behind (well where else are you going to put baby?) Oh and it's bright yellow with a luminous flag and one of those bright orange sticks that pokes out into the road to force cars to keep well clear or be scratched.

OK, so it's a bit unusual and we look like a reincarnation of The Goodies but I like it. It's fun, practical and I can take the carboncopies and carbonbaby out and about without emitting any carbon. So what's so embarrassing?

Was I embarrassed? No, not really. I rode up, left the bike outside the school gates, grabbed carbonbaby from her trailer and went to collect the carboncopies as usual.

Were the kids embarrassed? No they seemed pleased to see 'Maizie' (their nickname for the corn coloured bike), dropped all their clobber over carbonbaby in her trailer, climbed up onto their seats and urged me to ride them home.

So what's this posting about then? Well, according to an anonymous source, one mum in the playground was seen pointing in our direction proclaiming, 'Look at that. How embarrassing.'

Well, I'm not sure I get it but maybe I should expect it for doing something a little bit out of the ordinary. It's disheartening though and another small barrier to change. It's hard enough changing habits and tweaking your lifestyle when people around are encouraging and supportive. But for many (perhaps even my dear washingqueen) even little comments like that can be enough to put them off trying.

Fortunately, I am of stronger stuff and Maizie will ride again. Cycling helps keeps us fit and carbon free, which probably can't be said for the mum in question. Now that's what I call embarrassing.

Lord of the flies

It all began with the bin. It was rather like an episode of the X files, the way the bin began to mutate and multiply. We started the week much as usual with our old familiar green wheelie bin, always identifiable by its smell of old nappies and stale pepperoni pizza, but by Friday it had spawned an entire alien bin species, all over the patio. Giant black plastic bins towering over blue squatting bins, dalek like compost bins dallying with dwarf bins, brightly coloured recycling bins clamouring for attention on the stone flags. Now while I'm fully aware that the plastic packaging on the kids toys could take the next four hundred and fifty years to biodegrade in landfill, and that my own household is personally responsible for a significant chunk of the 25 million tonnes of waste that we ferry to the dump each year, I hadn't realised that recycling it would be so bin intensive.

Carbonlite's campaign to transform our household practices had hardly got off the ground with the bins before the postman arrived with a jiffy bag full of worms, the beginners kit from Wiggly Wigglers to kick start the heap. Just what a girl needs to go with her Weetabix and semi skimmed. Needless to say building a suitable home for the worms was a man's job. The male variety of the Carboncopies jostled to help with the affordable housing scheme on the patio, while I looked on anxiously from the third floor window. Soon I got into the swing of compost creation, as the smart green mini bin by the sink saved me a good few trips to the wheelie bin. It happily swallowed up everything vegetable including the chard mountain in the fridge ( chard being the unwelcome visitor in the organic vegetable box. ) Egg boxes fitted nicely in there too, it was a pleasure to offload all the half masticated jam sandwiches. I even braved the worms in the main bin, closing my eyes and hoping the contents of the mini bin wouldn't end up missing their target and decorating my new pink pumps. I was proud of my efforts in food recycling, and felt it was a substantial start to my new role as planet protector. Admittedly it's a bit of a challenge given that we've only got a small yard with tiny flower beds and no lawn, and the compost bin is a central feature of the garden. I read my leaflet from CAT on the latest cold composting techniques and felt my eco-education was progressing nicely. But I knew my harmonious relationship with the natural world couldn't last.

When the weather warmed up the area by the sink became a hive of activity. Our country kitchen started to resemble a riverside camp in the Scottish Highlands as the midgies arrived in chard-hungry packs and began a sit-in in the mini bin. Then I was ambushed in a lunchtime raid. Expecting the usual placid encounter with a rotten pile of worm infested rubbish, I opened the patio compost bin and was bombed by an SAS midge flying squad. As I squealed and ran, the mini bin went flying into the air and deposited several rotten avocados and a load of swede peel onto the Wendy house roof. I sprinted round the garden as if a swarm of bees were at my tail, much to the amusement of Carbonlite, eating his lunch on the patio, copy of The Ecologist at hand to swat any flying beasties.
"Don't worry about the fruit flies, it means nature is doing her bit. But best not to empty it in the daytime I find," he advised, stabbing a cherry tomato with his fork.
"They vomit on everything and then suck it up again" I wailed. "Anyway how would you know? Have you actually once emptied the bin?"
"I put a load of toilet roll tubes in there yesterday," he said cheerfully. "Don't forget to put the lid back on will you, we don't want the worms to escape." I retreated to the downstairs toilet to empty the washing machine that resides there. Thankfully the room was still a bin free zone. But Carbonlite had other ideas. "I found one of the non disposable nappies rotting in the washing basket." I reassured him there was no way it could rot as I clear the washing basket every day. "We need a nappy bin," he said, delighted at the thought, and a ten minute debate ensued about the toxicity and concentration of babies' wee in a mixed wash. The result was the arrival of yet another bin, this time filled with water; perfect for a baby on the crawl. Now if the water butt doesn't drown her, she can go swimming in diluted urine. I took a recycled supermarket plastic bag full of rubbish out to the wheelie bin. There I found myself once more under attack, this time by mummy and baby fruit flies who had found a new home.

Carbonlite was by my side in a flash. "Ah well, if all the food waste was in the compost bin, then they wouldn't set their sights on that one would they?" Then I knew the answer, to get on the internet and order one last bin, tall, thin and husband-sized. It wasn't easy 'going green' but at last I was engaging with recycling!

In the grip of a morbid fever

I've been reading the recent James Lovelock book, The Revenge of Gaia, in which he offers his latest prognosis on the health of planet earth. Lovelock's view of the earth as a living system was seen as radical and hippyish for years but not these days. His deep understanding of climate change is now widely accepted and his metaphor of the earth well developed, accessible and powerful in its ability to explain complex issues in terms a layman can understand.

Lovelock sees himself as the earth's physician, his role to help diagnose what is causing the morbid fever that is taking hold of his patient, and to recommend treatment. But he has some very bad news for the friends and family of mother earth; she's in the grip of a progressive disease with a limited range of outcomes; either she'll die and the disease with her, or she'll live and eliminate the disease or, patient and disease will struggle with each other until they achieve some kind of symbiosis. Of course humankind is the disease and the last outcome is looking extremely unlikely, especially if we continue with business as usual. Like he says, it's pretty grim news for friends and family and I really don’t know whether or how I might begin to explain that to my kids.

Sometimes I think we've been reenacting this global tragedy in our household in the three months we've been doing this experiment. I have the washingqueen down as the patient and arrogantly put myself in the role of physician, trying to advise her on how to be more green and sensitive. Trouble is I think she has me down as the disease, trying to destroy the delicate balance of our household, established through years of living together and deeply embedded in our daily routines. Adjusting this balance takes time and the last few months has had a greater than usual incidence of arguments and flare-ups as the patient has resisted treatment, mistaken it for disease and struck back with terrifying force. But overall, little by little, and I think the washingqueen would agree with me on this, at a household level we have been making gradual progress towards a new balance.

Of course there's lots more we could do but at least we have begun to take more seriously the need to do our bit and to start to do it. I just hope and pray that humankind will have the wit, wisdom and foresight to be able to do something similar at a planetary level. If Lovelock's predictions are true, and they have good currency amongst the scientific communities, then we should all prepare for a big shakeup of our planetary habits - whether we initiate them ourselves or wait for mother earth to take her revenge for causing her fever. And I fear mother earth will be far more vengeful than my sweet washingqueen.

A holiday in your own back yard

When I first mentioned the idea of holidaying in our own backyard, the washingqueen was none too impressed. "I'm not spending our Easter break sitting in the garden watching a community of composting worms devour our kitchen waste," she explained politely as she scraped dinner scraps into her new kitchen caddy. Of course she'd misunderstood me; what I meant was we should go local rather than heading off to Europe and running up tonnes of reckless holiday carbon emissions.

It took a couple of weeks for her to come around to the idea, a couple more weeks for us to figure out a plan, and now all that remains is a couple of weeks to execute it. We're lucky to live in an area of outstanding natural beauty and for the next two weeks, we're reducing our emissions at home to zero and heading off to explore the area on our own home made low emission eco tour. We'll be posting details of the tour on our other website so if you want to know more follow this link.

The cabbage patch kid

It was two weeks ago last Monday when the house fell forbiddingly silent. It was the day the washingqueen finally got with the project and abandoned the utilities room. The atmosphere was strange that day without the comforting whirr of the spin cycle or the gentle rumble of the tumble dryer. At first I thought it might have been the start of a dirty protest. You know, "I'll save the planet all right, reduce our detergent consumption, save some electricity, reduce our water consumption and see how you like it when you run out of clean clothes." But it was nothing so sinister. No, the washingqueen had organised a visit to Howbarrow organic farm to get some advice on going organic and find out about their box delivery scheme.

She came back all fired up, raving about the merits of organic production and of how it was good for us (healthy fruit and veg grown without pesticides), good for the environment (fewer food miles, more food for insects, healthier soil), and good for the community (supporting local farmers and keeping money in the community). I couldn't find a flaw in her argument so welcomed the announcement that Howbarrow were going to add us to their growing list of customers.

The first box arrived on the doorstep about ten days later and it wasn't just the kids who had difficulty identifying some of the contents. "What are those thin little muddy orange things?" asked our eldest boy. "Oh they're organic carrots," explained the washingqueen. "But why are they muddy?" asked the youngest. And so began the story of how carrots grow under ground and an educational journey which I'm sure will touch us all over the coming weeks and months. The washingqueen and I are already committed to finding recipes for chard and alfafa sprouts, just two items that would not normally find their way into our kitchen but are already sitting on the shelf waiting for a suitable recipe. Your suggestions welcome.

It has to be said that the vegetables that we recognised and cooked were delicious, although I quickly became concerned about the small portion sizes. I queried this with the washinqueen after she transformed a large green cabbage into just four small servings. "Oh," she said, "once you'd peeled off the outer leaves there was hardly anything there."

Later that evening, I emptied the days food waste into our new compost bin and served our growing community of worms a delicious meal of 16 fresh green organic cabbage leaves. I sensitively broached this issue with the washingqueen a little later, applauding her for supporting the worms and querying the amount of leaf peeling necessary in preparing a cabbage. Turns out she'd never prepared a cabbage before but then neither have I. We both agreed we could probably save a few more leaves next time, but I'm not sure the worms will be happy about that.

Getting out of the habit

My obsession with our energy consumption, carbon emissions and our household footprint may be good for the planet but it's not so good for my relationship with the washingqueen. Over the past weeks I've become ultra sensitive to all emission creating actions and I have to admit it's pretty irritating; it irritates me so goodness knows what it's like for her.

Now I think we've done quite well over the past six weeks in making some pretty obvious (and probably long overdue) changes to our household arrangements - like switching to a renewable electricity supply, installing energy efficient light-bulbs, getting our doors and windows draught proofed, setting up a cold composting bin for kitchen waste and installing flow restrictors and water hippos to reduce water consumption. It's all moving things in the right direction, reducing our footprint and emissions, but I know it's not going to be enough to keep things moving in the ever downward direction that's required by this experiment in the long term.

So that's why I've started looking at the little things, the small everyday actions we take that waste energy, that are probably insignificant on each occassion but add up over the weeks, months and years to make a big difference to our emissions and footprint. And judging by early reactions, I think it's changing the thousand little habits that's going to be the tougher nut to crack. We're talking about little things that are so deeply habitual that we probably don't even notice we're doing them anymore. Until someone like me starts mentioning it every time you do it.

Little things like leaving the microwave door open after heating something up.... which also leaves a little 40W bulb burning pointlessly for an hour or two. Or boiling a pan of vegetables with the gas on full and no lid on.... superheating the kitchen and turning it into a Turkish bath. Or filling the kettle to the brim to make a cup of tea, then forgetting to make the tea, then boiling it again, making the tea, forgetting to drink it and starting all over again.

Now I'm just as guilty as the washingqueen at doing some of these things but my internal nagging has been quite effective at helping me change my habits, at least some of the time. But the nagging is not working so well with her. Probably something to do with the fact I nag myself quietly while I remind her out loud several times a day. It's probably another habit I've developed which I'm going to need to change. If I don't there'll be little chance of saving our marriage let alone saving the planet. For the sake of my marriage and the planet, let's hope habits can be changed.

Food glorious food.

Carbonlite got his knickers in a twist, ranting on about how this was a joint project and all I've done is put up barriers to it. So I resolved to sort out the food part. "Where are you off to so early this morning?" he asked as I loaded the baby into the car. "To the supermarket." I replied. "Don't forget to take some plastic bags." he reminded me. "You don't want more to end up in landfill as a result of your careless consumerism." I went back into the house for my purse and some milk for the baby, and chucked it all into my car, forgetting about the bags.

In the supermarket car park the baby was crying and the three year old demanding a lollipop. I looked in the back of the car for the carriers. Damn. I scrabbled around in the boot and found an old bin bag that smelt of sour milk. It was the best I could do, and I felt quite proud that I was saving the planet before I'd even had my breakfast.

"Shop local," I repeated to myself as I tried to find anything in the produce counter that was from England. "Tomatoes; Spain, Gibraltar. Bananas; Dominican Republic. Don't we grow anything anymore in this country?" Even the organic range had flown halfway round the world to be there. The three year old took advantage of my dithering over the prepackaged sprouts, and hid under the produce section. It took ten minutes of panicked trolley dash around the store, and the 'seeking' involvement of a sixteen year old who had to be interrupted while marking down satsumas (Spain) before the three year old ended his game.

At the checkout, there was a boy scout helping to pack. "It's ok, I've got my own bags....well bag." I said, casually wafting the bin bag around. "You can go for a cup of tea if you like, take a break." The boy looked at me pitifully, then ripped a handful of bags off the bag tree and began stuffing my shopping in them. Not wanting to cause a scene, I stood beside him, transferring things around from bag to bag, taking this surrepticiously out of his and putting it into mine, then trying to jam the extra bags back onto the tree. The smell of rancid milk began to permeate the checkout area. While I paid, the scout began trying to bring some kind of order back to the bag tree. I left without leaving him a tip, the three year old screaming for the promised lollipop that was now at the bottom of the sorry black bag.

At home I lugged the black bag and a couple of stuffed new carrier bags into the hall, then made countless trips for the extra items that I'd shoved into the boot loose. Carbonlite came in and surveyed the scene. "I counted thirty bags the other day. Why the hell have you brought home more." "Its only two." I answered, hurt that he would criticise after I'd gone through so much faffing. "So it's fine that two more bags rot in the ground for a hundred years is it?" I shot him one of my blackest looks before answering, "Your fruit and veg are from Spain, Gibraltar and the Carribean. They contain so many carbon airmiles that I wouldn't bother fretting about the packaging. Next time I'm getting it all delivered." Then I stormed out and went upstairs to sulk.

What a waste

The washingqueen thinks I've lost it. She caught me weighing bin bags the other day and then freaked when I put a large bucket by the sink and told her it was for collecting food waste for a worm bin. I don't think my behaviour is unreasonable given the global and local problems of household waste but perhaps two months of trying to think more greenly is starting to show.

According to DEFRA households in England managed to recycle just 23% of their waste in 2004/5. This is a figure to be ashamed of, even though it represents a four fold improvement in our collective performance over just four years. But it is still one of the worst rates in Europe where households in Germany, Austria and the Netherlands manage up to 64%.

But the UK government has big ambitions for us and has set a bold target - to reach 25% by 2005/6. Surely we can do better than that? Recycle Now reckons 60% should be achievable for most UK households.

Anyway I figured if the government has a household waste strategy and targets then why shouldn't we? Hence the weighing in. And the results? In a fortnight our household generated 41kg of waste, 11kg (27%) of which was recycled kerbside (bottles, glass, paper), another 6.5kg (16%) of which we recycled ourselves (cardboard and plastic) by taking to a recycling centre, giving a bottom line of 43% recycled. I felt quite good about that for a while until I put it the other way around i.e 57% not recycled.

So we're going to try and reverse those figures, and my number one target is food waste. Hence the bucket. Our kerbside scheme prohibits food waste, so we're going to compost it. Now that's a bit of a challenge given that we've only got a small, yard like garden with tiny flower beds and no lawn but then that's no different to millions of urban dwellings. And there are people out there promoting interesting solutions for urban composting. So, I've got my leaflet from CAT on the latest cold composting techniques, ordered myself a subsidised compost bin through Recycle Now and organised a starter kit of worms from Wiggly Wigglers to kick start the heap.

The boys are looking forward to a parcel of worms arriving. I'm not sure what the washingqueen will make of it when it arrives addressed to her but I'm not going to let her wriggle out of this one.

Fruit and fibre

I became suspicious that carbonlite had sneaked some of his water saving 'hedgehogs' into the upstairs loo without telling me. After accusations were bandied about, it turns out that he'd merely cleaned the toilet. Well that's a first. "You're the most reluctant environmental campaigner I've ever met," said Carbonlite in frustration. He rummaged about in the cleaning cupboard and pulled out a large dirty black bucket, which he put next to the sink. "What's that for?" I asked pleasantly, reluctant to give him any further ammunition. "It's for the food waste. We to put everything in there, then once a week take it out to the worm bin. I assume you don't want the worm bin in the kitchen?" he said. I shuddered before replying, "but we haven't any worms. Or a bin to put them in." I was stopped from any further protestations by great excitement from the hallway.

"There's a dalek on our front doorstep," called the five year old. "Can we go out and see it?" The shadow of the dalek fell across the room as Carbonlite and I shoved each other out of the way to get to the front door. My partner's smile mometarily banished the shadow. "I'd better get out the back and dig up the paving stones," he hummed happily, "anyone coming?" "Is the dalek coming too," the boys shouted, putting their wellies on the wrong feet in all the excitement. Carbonlite noticed the confusion on my face about ripping up the patio. "The worms have to get in and out of the bin. In case the stuff inside ever gets toxic. Then they can escape for a while and come back when it's all calmed down." I didn't answer, I was too busy wondering if I could do the same. "By the way, the worms will be arriving in the post, shouted Carbonlite, as he lugged the bin through the house. "Now I know you're having me on." I replied, getting back to scraping food into the new black bucket.

When I went out later, Carbonlite had found a place for the dalek. "The children can just about squeeze their bikes around it. And we'll put the water butt over here." I had a momentary panic attack about a drowning incident involving our six month old toddler, but put it to the back of my mind and went inside. The dalek was concealed from view by the Wendy House and I knew Carbonlite was joking about the worms. Time to clean up that dirty old bucket.

Dim and dimmer

With spring almost in the air, the bulbs in the garden are showing signs of life. The same unfortunately cannot be said for some of those in the house. I've adopted a policy of not replacing any blown bulbs until I can find an energy efficient replacement. Now that's been pretty easy for those standard bayonet fitting bulbs but a nightmare when it comes to the spotlight reflectors, globes, candles and halogen bulbs that inhabit the myriad light fittings left as an energy inefficient legacy by the previous owners of this carbon spewing property. There's a growing pile of these sitting on my desk awaiting further research.

It took me days of research to find a low energy replacement for an innocent little MR16 halogen bulb that blew the other week. I finally managed to locate an LED powered replacement that claimed to be equivalent to a 20W MR16 but consuming only 4W of power. Price £16 compared to about £2 for a normal one. Ouch! But they say they last 50 times longer and save you leccy so you'll be quids in after a couple of years use. I wondered if it would be worth the wait but in the interests of science decided to give it a try.

The results were very dissappointing. Sitting in the living room began to feel like camping with a headtorch to read by. This kind of LED technology is developing fast and a bulb like this would be great with a narrow beam for spot features but there's still a way to go before it can do the work of a 50W halogen flood. So for the moment, it looks like I either stick with my £2 bright and beautiful energy guzzling halogens or rip out all the fittings and install something more efficient instead in my living room, bathroom and toilet.

The more I look at our big old house from a carbon consumption perspective, the more bits of it seem like a carbon guzzling legacy from a time when no-one gave a monkeys about energy efficiency. It doesn't seem to matter what aspect of our emissions we focus on there's only so much we can do quickly and easily before we bump up against problems of infrastructure or legacy installations which limit our options. Taking things further then means tougher decisions involving substantial investments of time, money and effort to make the house more climate friendly. And I'm left wondering are we up for it, can we afford and is it worth it? The thing is to make the kind of cuts the experts say we need to make to avoid catastrophic climate change there is not really a 'can't afford it' option. If that's right then sooner or later we're all going to have to face these tough decisions. It's enough to make denial seem an attractive option.

Tap dancing

The Lake District may have a reputation for rain but it's not living up to it this year. It's may be a blessing for visitors but it's a worry for farmers, kayakers and the water companies.

I can only think of two ways I can do my bit to help improve the situation, one involves a hip shake movement in which the waist and ass is twisted loosely and quickly, the other involves water butts, hippos, and tapmagic. Now the washingqueen has hips better suited to the former so I have been concentrating my efforts on more practical matters of water conservation.

Today I have not been rain dancing but tap dancing, installing little adaptors from tapmagic that convert a standard tap to a spray tap, restricting the flow by as much as 50% at low flow volumes so stopping little boys from wasting so much water when they brush their teeth, wash their hands or just leave the tap running to empty the hot water tank.

These things were great; just a few quid each, a minute to install and instant water savings. My action men helped with the installation and loved the result... taps that made water like showers. I thought the washingqueen would flip when she discovered I'd restricted the water flow but no! She loved the soft little showery flow. What a result. It almost had me shaking my hips and twisting my ass to find a change welcomed by the planet, the boys and the washingqueen.

Action man meets bag lady

I came across an article in The Independent about how to make money from recycling; another piece trying to encourage green behaviour by stressing the economic benefits. It was a good piece, full of useful ideas for ways to reduce, recycle or reuse (the recyclists' mantra) and save or make money while you're at it. I was busy with other things when I found the article, so skim read it, thought 'hey that's a good idea' several times and made a mental note to look into some of the ideas later.

But then my two boys came to find me, wanting to play, all dressed up in their Action Man costumes. "What can we do Dad?" they chorused, confronting me in combat suits emblazoned with a bright orange ACTION logo. "We've been saving the planet from Dr X and Gangrene but now he's dead."

I wondered for a moment what to do with two unemployed action men with a thirst for saving planets. Then it struck me; bag counting. According to the Independent quoting Recyle More, the average UK citizen uses 134 plastic bags each year. It's another small area where we could cut down; another one where we know we should and for some reason haven't. Don't get me wrong, we're not as evil as Gangrene - we don't collect them and throw them away, but we could do a lot more to reduce and reuse them rather than insulating the utility room and lining the kitchen bin.

As a first step I asked my action men to do a bag audit. "Boys, Dr Gangrene may be dead but he's littered our house with evil plastic bag creatures. I need your help. Your mission? To search high and low; locate them, collect them and count them. Then we will work out how to stop his evil work." It was a good mission. Achieved in just under an hour. Final count: 105 bags.

I guess that means we don't really need any more; we just need to reuse the ones we've got. I think I'll send my action men to tackle washingqueen over our household bag acquisition policy. Watch out for the next exciting installment and find out what happens when action man confronts the bag lady.

Awareness - a vital first step

The washingqueen's lack of awareness of our monthly spend on fuel is telling but not surprising. She probably thinks that by now I monitor every kilowatt hour and cubitt of gas consumed in our household and I have to admit I'd probably be up for it if the technology were available to do it quickly and easily. Truth is the only thing I was aware of before beginning this experiment was the amount of our monthly direct debit to our energy suppliers. And sadly this is a pretty crude measure of how much energy we consume and tells us nothing about where we use it, how we could be more efficient or how much CO2 we emit as a result of our consumption.

I think lack of awareness is a really important part of the climate change problem. It's so easy to live your life blissfully unaware of the links between your daily actions and CO2 emissions, and the connections between that and the global climate change problem. It is much easier to think of it as someone else's problem and to leave them to fix it too. Becoming aware of and accepting the fact that you are part of the problem has to be the first step in taking responsibility for your emissions and making changes to reduce them.

But even having made such a commitment, actually making changes seems to require finer and finer levels of awareness, and it's all a bit of a minefield. Getting a grip on your emissions seems to require a PhD in carbon. If you look at your household energy usage you need to appreciate how using a kilowatt hour of electricity can cause greater emissions damage (0.45kg C02) than using a kilowatt hour of gas (0.19kg CO2) - that is unless you are using electricity from a guaranteed renewable source. If you want to go travelling you have to assess the different emissions consequences of travelling by car, bus, train or plane. And if you want to improve the energy efficiency of your home your faced with figuring out whether it's better to install double glazing, insulate the loft or get a more efficient boiler.

We're very used to making judgments on price but it's a bit of an uphill struggle to easily factor carbon emissions calculations into your everyday living without some kind of carbon currency or easy to understand way of rating emissions. Maybe it will be like decimilisation or the introduction of the euro, once we've learnt the ropes it will become second nature but in the meantime I'm pondering the idea of developing carbon emissions stickers for appliances around the house... you know green for low (use as much as you like); amber for caution (this appliance will increase your emissions); and red for danger (turn this on and the planet dies). I wonder if that would help the washingqueen? She's going to be away for a few days so perhaps me and the boys could knock up a scheme for when she comes back. Or should that be if she comes back.

Loo hoggers and non flushers

Carbonlite tells me he's bought some loo hoggers, to cut down on the amount of water being lost in flushing. Well in my view he could be wasting his money. The kids never bother to flush. Perhaps the new initiative is for guests. Perhaps we should put up a sign in the toilet and let them know how much water they are saving us.

The cost of a cheese toastie

The electricity bill came in the other day. Apparently it does this every month. I don't do finances so it went straight in the large pile of official looking mail with carbonlite's name on. In his new role as global head of house environment, he read it and wept. "Do you know how much electricity we use in this house?" he asked. "Not really" I said breezily, munching cheese on toast, healthily burnt around the edges. "Well, do you want to know?" he countered. "Not really," I replied, sinking my teeth into creamy toasted cheddar. "How much do we spend a month on our gas and electricity bills?" he suddenly cried out of nowhere. "Tell me that? How much? Do you even know?" "Well....I don't know for sure...but I reckon..." I had to put down my toast. I realised I hadn't a clue. Five pounds? fifty pounds? Five hundred pounds? I made a calculated guess. "...I reckon about fifty quid?"

"Forty pounds! Forty pounds a month! We HAVE to do something about that." He went off to check the light switches had been turned off in the boys bedrooms. And I sat there looking at my toast, which now sagged in the middle under the weight of congealed cheese. The truth was I felt rather ashamed. Why don't I know how much our bills cost? Have I been so disconnected from reality and cushioned by suburban life that I'm competely unaware of how much we spend on basic things? I vowed to get more involved in the finances and behind the scenes running of the house in future. Of course, I still pile up the boring mail for carbonlite to open, well he's got to have something to do around the house.

Feeling flush

It's hard to keep the momentum going on this ever reducing emissions efficiency drive. One of the problems is that the 'real world' seems to interfere. You know that world where you have to go to work and get the kids to school and do the weekly shop and pay the bills and tidy the house and before you know it the week is over and you haven't given a passing thought to reducing your emissions or saving the planet. Well I guess most people have weeks like that; some poor souls probably have lives like that.

Anyway that was last week, the week in which the only thing I managed to do to move our family eco project on was to make the now weekly note of our gas and electricity consumption. Oh and try and draw a graph of our emerging consumption pattern. I know it's pretty early to see any kind of trend but I was at least hoping that the controversial introduction of a few energy efficient lightbulbs might have made the tiniest of dents in our figures or shown up on my graph. But sadly not. In fact the only trend my graph shows so far is a pattern of pretty much unvarying consumption, a horizontal line creeping slowly across the page week by week. If my little graph were on a heart rate monitor, the prognosis would be extremely bleak.

But I still believe we are alive and able to change things. We just need to get around to it, make time for it, make it a priority. And this is a new week, so what better time to start. Except that it is half term and the kids are demanding a lot of attention.

Still, my eldest boy moved things on today when he came across a little green book on my desk. "What is The Little Book of Living Green?" he asked picking it up and thumbing through it. "Is it to help save the planet?" he continued without pausing for my response. He knows how to make a father feel guilty. He stopped at the page about waterhogs and read it to me out loud, a feat which in itself amazed me as he has only just learnt to read. But it was when he finished he impressed me most. "That sounds a good idea," he said, "shall we get one?" How could I refuse such a call to action?

It took no more than five minutes to look up our water supplier on the internet, find out about their free 'Save a Flush' offer and order the three waterhogs we need to make our toilets a little more efficient. Apparently flushing toilets accounts for about 35% of household water usage; toilets fitted pre-2000 use somewhere between 7.5 and 9 litres per flush and a Save a Flush or waterhog (a device you fit in your cistern to reduce the amount of water it holds) can help reduce this to closer to 6 litres, as is the 21st century way. Now if you have five people in a house and they go a modest four times a day each, then a Save a Flush which saves a litre a time will could save as much as 20 litres of water per day, assuming they remember to flush. Load 10 large bottles of mineral water into your shopping trolley next time you're at the supermarket and you'll appreciate that's a lot of water to flush away, especially in these times of drought.

I must say I'm quite looking forward to the arrival of our waterhogs. But it's not so much the prospect of saving the water that I'm anticipating (although that's got to be a good thing) but I'm looking forward to the smile on my boy's face when the parcel arrives addressed to him and the simple pleasure of doing a little something together to reduce our family footprint.

Small changes, big reactions

The washingqueen came back from a night on the town last Friday all fired up about energy efficiency. She was out with a large and lively group of friends celebrating a fourtieth birthday when somehow, between prawn crackers, noodles and chow mein, the subject of energy efficient lightbulbs came up. Perhaps someone bought one of the celebrants a compact flourescent birthday present. Anyway as the wine flowed and the candles burned, the conversation got quite heated and two camps emerged around the banquet table - those for and those against.

It's hard to believe that lightbulbs could be the source of such heat (well, apart from the incandescent variety) but if my reporters account is to be believed then the lightbulb revolution could be to blame for sowing the seeds of discontent in many a marriage. Based on her observations that evening, the washingqueen holds an emerging hypothesis that men love energy efficient lightbulbs more than they love their wives. For that night the men (without exception) argued the case for cool flourescent efficiency while the women protested heatedly about the injustice of men stripping out soft warm incandescent lighting without consultation or compensation.

Now this is no scientific survey, and may or may not be representative of male and female values, behaviour or attitudes to environmental issues, but it certainly rings a little true in our household. To me a light is a light is a light and the more efficient the better. OK, soft warm lights are nice for creating mood but I can live without them. But I'm not sure the washingqueen sees it that way and it sounds like the same may be true for many of her homeloving sisters.

I wonder how many men around the world have innocently changed a lightbulb, doing their bit for the cause, striking a very small blow against climate change, and inadvertently started a war at home. Perhaps the battle to prevent climate change involves struggle at many more levels than I realised; between sacrifice and comfort, efficiency and personal freedom, logic and emotion, and man and wife.

Stop...thief!

A thief has ransacked our house, stealing all the light. I kid you not. I arrived home from picking up the kids from school last week and snapped on the light in the hall. No response. Dodgy bulb. I ransacked the kitchen cupboard for a new one. All gone! Where was our massive emergency supply of Asda price Screw in bulbs? I padded back out to the hall where strangely the bulb was now glowing brightly. This repeated itself at bedtime when my son turned on his light for a story. Hardly anything at all, just a smidgeon of orangey yellow straining through the shade. My three year old began to cry. "I told you to eat up your carrots," I lectured, unable to resist turning an energy crisis into an educational moment. After painfully stepping on a bit of lego on the way to the centre of the room, I inspected further. There was a bulb, and it was undoubtedly on, but it was one of those energy saving ones and it was saving extra energy by being only sixty watts strong. Carbonlite became the main suspect. I cornered him by mobile phone on a train and shouted loud enough for the whole carriage to hear.
"You've stolen all the light," you miserable b*****d scrooge."
Even through the phone his grin lit up the living room. "Just cutting the carbs, to protect the environment for our children."
"I'll cut off more than your carbs and you'll never see the children again if you don't hand over the bulbs." But even as I spoke, I knew it was futile. The bulbs would be long gone, probably enjoying a recycling orgy at our local landfill site. I slammed down the phone and decided to substitute caffeine for anger. But as I scanned the rack of kitchen spotlights to check he hadn't pulled a fast one there, I realised one was missing. A quick check revealed he'd done the same with the halogen decorative lights in the living room and the mirror light in the bathroom; no doubt he intends to scour the capital for energy saving replacements.

I sat down to write this posting and anger turned to guilt. Carbonlite is doing his best to conserve energy, the planet is in desperate need of saving, and all the cute polar bears will end up in Tring museum unless we all do our individual bit. But then I found I couldn't see my desk. I am William sodding Shakespeare, trying to create timeless masterpieces by candlight. As I type I realise three things; although so close to Valentines Day this posting is no love sonnet; I definitely should have eaten more carrots; and when carbonlite comes in with his stepladder, I'm going to punch his lights out.

Ban the bulb

A box marked fragile arrived in the post this morning. The kids were quick to open it up. 'Oh what are these?' they asked, pulling out six energy saving light bulbs, kindly sent by the man who did our WarmFront assessment. 'New lightbulbs to help us save the planet,' I explained. My eldest boy looked at me a little bemused before scolding me, 'If you want to save the planet you need to turn the lights off Dad.' He's right of course. Turning the lights off will make a bigger difference, but since we're not ready to live in the dark just yet I decided to install the bulbs anyway.

I've never really given bulbs a great deal of thought, except when they blow and I spend hours staring at dozens of different types, fittings and ratings in the hardware store, trying to work out exactly which one I need, and cursing myself for not remembering to bring the blown bulb with me. For some reason our house seems to have been fitted with one of every conceivable type of light fitting which makes bulb shopping a treacherous affair. You could characterise my relationship with bulbs as being occassional and frustrating; until today I considered them as little more than benign utilitarian servants to be changed with an oven glove.

Now that's quite a different view to Dr Matt Prescott of Ban the Bulb who in a recent column for BBC News proposed making incandescent bulbs illegal, on the grounds that these evil bulbs are highly inefficient and given their wide usage, taken together on a global scale, are responsible for millions of tonnes of CO2 emissions. Apparently if everyone in the US replaced just three incandescent bulbs with three energy saving ones, it could reduce emissions by 23million tonnes and put 23 coal fired power stations out of business.

Well I don't think we're going to put anyone out of business by adding six energy saving light bulbs to the three I've had burning dimly for the last six years, but every little counts. And it makes me want to take a closer look at all our light bulbs and see whether energy efficient alternatives can be fitted, and if not whether I can change the fittings so we can rid ourselves of more of our evil incandescent luminaires.

My carbon calculator tells me that just changing these six bulbs will reduce my emissions by 0.35kg CO2 per day or 125kg CO2 per year while shaving about £30 off by power bill. Now that's what I call a win-win. In fact it's enough to make me go climb a chair and scorch my fingers removing those incandescent devils once and for all.

What's more, if that simple action lops 125kg off our household annual CO2 emissions, and last weeks calculations about reduction targets were correct, then we could achieve five months of emissions savings in one evening. Now that's the kind of news the washingqueen will welcome. It might even be enough to persuade her to burn her fingers for me.

Ever reducing emissions

Right, so here's the score, at least according to Mayer Hillman, whose book 'How we can save the planet' is a shocking primer on the science, policy debates and current calls to action surrounding climate change.

Apparently, if we are to stablise carbon emissions at what's currently thought to be the maximum safe limit (that's 450ppm atmospheric concentration), a level recently articulated by the Avoiding Dangerous Climate Change conference, and we aim to reduce emissions so that our emissions converge upon those of the developing world by 2030, a timeline proposed by Hillman, then in the UK, individual carbon emissions need to fall from 10.4tCO2 average in 2005 to 2.1tCO2 average by 2050. OK? Got that?

Well if you have, you're following better than me. Putting aside awkward questions about whether we're talking individual emissions or household emissions, whether you count kids or not, what you include in calculating any of the above and whether emissions I produce in the course of my work count as personal or household or not at all, the one thing that is clear is that the necessary trend is sharply downwards, for ever and a day.

Striking a straight line on a piece of graph paper, and following Hillmans proposed trajectory, I reckon to do our bit, if we were good global citizens with average emissions, we would need to reduce our contribution to the problem from 10.1tCO2 at the start of 2006 to 9.8t by the time we next say Happy New Year, although quite how happy the washingqueen would be if we did that remains to be seen.

The bottom line is we need to shed 300kg of emissions per year, which doesn't sound so hard. That's only 25kg per month. Just 25 bags of sugar or a trade size bag of builders sand. Each and every month. For the next 25 years, until our emissions converge with those of the developing world, about the time I'm due to retire. Then, post retirement, things seem to get a little easier; according to Hillman, post 2030 convergence we can ease off and shed just a further 50kg a year for the next 20 years until by the time I'm 86 my emissions will hopefully be just 20% of what they should be today. Now there's a retirement to look forward to.

It all boils down to something like a 3% per year reduction in emissions, if you start from the UK average. And this happens to be the same amount that the environmental pressure groups are lobbying the UK government to commit to as an annual emissions reduction target. So, if it's good enough for them, it's good enough for me.

There's just one small thing niggles me though, the fact in our household we seem to be starting from above average emissions, so perhaps we need to be aiming a little higher, to trim a little more? I feel a meeting with the washingqueen coming on to negotiate targets. If you thought the Kyoto negotiations sounded tricky, watch this space.

Under a purple cloud

The washingqueen comes at this whole experiment from a different (and welcome) perspective. It's clear, even at this early stage, that there is plenty of potential for us to hold quite different views on just how and how far to reduce our consumption. In some ways I'm sure this reflects the polarities that exist in many families, communities and even amongst nation states when they discuss how real and serious the threat of global warming is, how far we need to go to tackle it, how far we are willing to go, what exactly we should do and when we should do it.

In a household like ours, with three young children, there's no denying the washing needs to be done, meals need cooking, people need to keep warm and the car is a very practical and convenient way to get around. So I think I understand washingqueen's concerns about taking the whole thing too far. But we've not started yet and for the moment I think we need to feel our way with small steps, so she need not worry about an imminent return to handwashing, a ban on tumble drying or the prohibition of hot meals.

But I'm not one for just tinkering at the edges. If we are to commit to carbon rationing, and in a way that requires us to reduce our emissions month on month, then sooner or later, once the low hanging fruit has been harvested, we may have to look at more radical measures.

Advocates for compulsory personal carbon rationing argue it's the only fair way to get people to take responsibility for their own emissions and the only viable way to get the majority of people to actually take action to reduce their personal energy consumption. Hands have to be forced. And I see their point. I mean we're educated people and we think of ourselves as quite green and environmentally aware. We recycle our cans, papers and bottles; we try to limit our car usage and use public transport where we can; we ride bikes, walk to school, turn off lights and wear clothes twice (well I do anyway), but even given all that, it's a shock to find our carbon emissions are above average. If CO2 emissions were visible, our house would be sitting under an embarrassingly large purple cloud while our car would disappear in haze of purple pollution.

The proponents of carbon rationing argue there's only one global solution to emissions that stands the slightest chance of global acceptance, and that's one based upon principles of equity, that everyone has the same right to emit. The argument goes that over time, we need to establish a world order in which all citizens of the planet have the same entitlement to emit carbon, and all nations will have the right to make emissions on the basis of their population. And all in a system in which the level of emissions is scientifically determined to be low enough to head off the prospect of catastrophic climate change. And all this needs to be done like now. Pronto. Like yesterday is not too soon to begin.

The proposed path to emissions equanimity? Contraction and convergence. Best look it up as I'm not sure I can explain it yet. In the washingqueen's terms it means decades of Weightwatchers for us in the West while the developing world can carry on eating cakes and biscuits.

As far as I can make out, practically speaking here in the UK, carbon rationing would mean we'd need to reduce our personal emissions year on year from an average purple megacloud of 10.4tCO2 in 2005 to a small purple hotair balloon of 2.1tCO2 by 2050. That's an 80% reduction in 45 years. So with that in mind I'm going to go away and see if I can calculate what that would mean we'd need to achieve month on month, year on year. I feel the need for CarbonWatchers coming on strong.

Busting at the seams...

Collectively my local Weight Watchers group shed eleven stone this week. That's basically an entire woman. Each time I have a baby I return to weight watching, and lose the equivalent weight of a small child. It becomes a part of my life for a while, before I revert back to guzzling pizza. And this time of year the meeting is packed full of women (there are no men) with waistbands fit to burst, desperate to ditch the flesh.

Carbon counting and calorie counting have a lot in common. Both are last ditch attempts to solve problems brought about by overconsumption. In the case of the calorie counters fat is the evil by-product, destroying self esteem, eliminating sex lives and forcing people to wear baggy grey track suit pants. "A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips," - my favourite catchphrase as I tuck into a large vanilla slice. In my view visible hip flab is the main reason Weight Watchers has so many regular customers. You can see fat. In fact at a slimmers meeting it's hard to see around it if you're sitting at the back. Your friends see and comment on all that extra weight, your bingo wings wave back at you as you stand in the mirror and people avoid sitting next to you on aeroplanes. If you couldn't see fat, you'd stay in with a Chinese takeaway. Who'd bother heading out to a church hall that smelt of urine to hear a lecture on the slimming properties of kelp tablets if their lack of food control wasn't going to show on their thighs? And fat is getting so easy to fight these days now the large corporations have waded in. Every mouthful has a points value, often displayed on the front of the packet.

CO2 on the other hand is the invisible enemy. I can boil the kettle until it explodes; no one will know and few will care. Whereas if my carbon emissions resembled a trouserful of cellulite I'd be down to my local Carbon Watchers meeting like a shot. But it seems I'm not the only one to have had this thought. The guys at www.thinkpurple.info are on a mission to fat bust our carbon count by making carbon 'visible'. Check them out; if word spreads, perhaps next New Year there'll be a mass rush to cut the carbs, without everyone's breath stinking on an Atkins diet.

One foot in the washing basket...

At this point I should introduce myself. The washing queen. Never to be found without a magic basket full to the brim of dirty clothes. Ok that's an exaggeration, but I do seem to do a lot of washing, and tumble drying, and in between drink a lot of coffee, all potentially under threat in this new carbon conscious world. You see, I while I do value my environment, and my planet, and welcome energy saving devices, I also value my own time and energy and the last thing I want to be is permanently up my my elbows in washing while the machines stand unloved in the corner. Unlike carbonlite, I have to balance saving the environment with running a house and managing three young kids on a daily basis in a small village in the countryside. While he thinks up grand schemes, I'll be struggling to adapt to the small ones.

I have joined carbonlite's pledge to reduce our carbon footprint, but I haven't jumped in with both feet quite yet. While I'll do my best to help save the environment, I'm also keen to save my sanity, ensure the kids are comfortable...and still get the washing done in time for school.

Our big carbon footprints

It's quite the in-thing to work out the size of your carbon footprint. Apparently it's a great conversation starter at eco-dinner parties. I imagine it would be a complete conversation killer with many people I know. Anyway, there's a few places on the web you can get yourself measured up, like the nattily named carbonfootprint, or if that sounds a bit tame you could limber up for a carbon workout at the carbon gym (compliments of the Centre for Alternative Technology). Even big oil companies like BP are in on the act, following in the (carbon) footsteps of the green brigade, enlighteningly encouraging us to consume less of what they are selling.

Now I'm not particularly interested in eco-dinner parties and haven't got any invites anyway, but it's obvious that if we're going to make month on month and year on year reductions in our carbon emissions we need to know both where we're starting from and where we're aiming for. We need to get a handle on our household carbon footprint, establish some sort of baseline and some targets. So, to the carbon calculators.

At first it seems straightforward, but by the time you've estimated your miles of rail, bus, air and car travel, factored in your gas, electricity, oil and other fuel consumption, declared whether your suppliers are green or not, worked out whether you can share any of your emissions with other people and confessed to any carbon offsets you've purchased to ease your conscience, it's pretty apparent that you can probably get any answer you want from your friendly footprint calculator. And since each calculator seems to estimate things in slightly different ways, you get a range of answers anyway.

After an hour of punching figures into the web, all I've managed to conclude is that our household footprint is somewhere between 7,011 and 10,283 kg CO2 based upon our car and household energy consumption. On top of that there are emissions from any rail, air and public transport we use which we need to account for, all of which will probably push the carbonometer up into the red. I'm sure with a little massaging I could adjust the readings, share the emissions with the kids and come up with a more respectable figure to disclose with pride over aperitifs, but that's not the point. I want to take a long hard and realistic look at our household emissions not play games with a carbon calculator.

I'm told the average UK footprint is about 10,500kg per year including travel. So I guess what all this means is we've got pretty big feet. Looks like we've got our work cut out to become more like Mr and Mrs Average. Now there's an aspiration.

Is that a warm front passing through?

The man from Warm Front came last week. Warm Front is a UK government funded scheme that offers free advice to eligible householders on how to make their homes more energy efficient. And if you're hard up there's even a chance they can help you get a grant to do things like cavity insulate walls, lag hot water tanks, put insulation in attics, improve your heating systems and put draughtproofing around doors and windows. Well no-one ever said saving the planet was going to be sexy.

Being energy efficient has to be the next best thing to reducing energy consumption. And since we've not begun to figure out exactly how to reduce our consumption, we may as well start with secondary action… trying to make what we do consume go a little further. Being efficient doesn't inspire me much though. It's not a mission that's going to get me out of bed in the morning. But maybe it's more efficient for me to stay in bed with the duvet on and the heating off. Now that sounds more appealing.

Anyway, I got up to meet the man from Warm Front who measured the volume of our house, searched for insulation in our loft, prodded our hot water tank, noted the make and model of our boiler, and finally offered to get someone in to do some draught proofing for us.

"This place is huge," he said logging the results of his survey into the government database on his laptop, "I bet it costs a fortune to heat." He was right there. "These old houses are tricky," he continued, "they don’t meet modern building regulation standards for insulation and it's very expensive to upgrade them. Right now, if your house was rated like a fridge it would probably be rated an E F or G." I shivered at the prospect.

"If you want to insulate these solid stone walls you'll need to do it on the inside, then dry line them and redecorate. It'll take about four inches off each wall and you'll need to reset all your doors and windows too." It didn't sound like much of an option.

"As for your loft, well it's nicely boarded and insulated but with just 50mm of rockwool compared to current new build requirements for 270mm. It's a massive job to lift the boards, remove the ceiling, batten it out to accommodate extra insulation and put it back together. Probably not worth it for the savings you'd make in your lifetime."

It was not all bad news though, apparently our hot water tank was lagged better than most and we were entitled to a free draught proofing service for our leaky doors and windows. Well I guess every little helps.

Before the man from Warm Front left I asked him for a little advice on other ways to become a more energy efficient household. "Make sure you don't leave your TV's on standby," he said unhelpfully. I explained we didn't have a TV. He paused for a moment, a little shocked by my revelation, then continued. "Do you really want to know what I think?" I nodded. "Well, if you're serious about efficiency you should move to a smaller, newer home…. in the future old properties like this will be condemned stock, energy inefficient, undesirable. But if moving is too much I'd just turn the heating off and buy everyone an extra jumper."

And so the Warm Front moved on and left me contemplating the arrival of a cold snap and the purchase of a family pack of woolly jumpers. Along with my duvet and a lie in such changes seem much more practical.

Is switching a switch off?

Where to start? My Dad always told me to turn off the lights and save money, well I guess we need to look at switching things off to reduce our emissions. And wouldn't it be great if it saved us money as well. I mean a lot of the media sells the benefits of going green on that basis; save money AND save the planet. I know it's a good way to incentivise people to act but doesn't it also just encourage the kind of rational economic thinking that says I'm only going to save the planet if it saves me money. What if it's going to cost me money, what will I do then?

Anyway, looking at our household energy consumption seemed as good a place as any to begin our emissions reduction project. And after a few hours spent poring over a years worth of utility bills and searching out current meter readings I can announce the results of my household fuel consumption survey. I don't know if they are particularly good or bad, but they're a benchmark, our starting point. Our average annual electricity consumption is 5364 KWh and for gas we eat up 27250KWh (well that does include cooking, heating and hot water). Just typing those figures in I already feel a little guilty (those numbers look so big) and hear excuses in my head justifying our consumption (well, we're a big family, it's a big house and it's winter time).

Anyway, they are the scores on the doors. Now we have to figure out what we spend it on and how to cut it down. In one of his newsletters The Carbon Coach suggests starting your journey to greendom by switching your energy supplier to a green one, one who commits to generate or purchase the energy you consume from renewable sources, ie sources that do not generate carbon emissions - like hydroelectric, wind, solar or wave energy.

So I looked up the options on uswitch where I learned that if I switched from my current supplier to the cheapest available option I could save over £275 a year on my bills. Or I could stay with my current supplier and switch to their green tariff and save £0 except my conscience. Or better still I could switch to the wholly green good energy supplier, pay them an extra £131 per year and know that my energy was 100% green guaranteed. Now there's a dilemma I suspect we will come up against time and time again; that the clean, green option may not be a money saver, in fact it may cost us money. And with a financial disincentive going green feels that little bit harder, especially when you think of what you could do with an extra £275 in your wallet. Still it would probably only lead to further consumption in one form or another so to start with we're going switch to the green tariff with our existing supplier; I'm not ready to pay extra yet. And as for savings, we will be saving something like 1500kg of CO2 emissions annually.

What you never had you'll never miss, or so my mum always told me and I guess that will be true of the £275 savings I am not making. What worries us about the changes we may have to make in pursuit of reducing emissions is that we may end up missing things we do have.